Wait. I'm awake.

Oh confused endocrine system of mine! What the hell are you doing?? One day I can barely peel myself off the couch. The next day, I'm raring to go like the stupid Energizer Bunny. I've felt like the chica in the photo there for the past 2 days, almost bordering on hyper. Of course, I wouldn't dare dress in all white like that because someone might confuse me for snowdrift, and my arms sure don't look like that. And, if I did try a running leap like that today, I'd probably trip on take off and land flat on my face in the water.

However, one can dream, no?

So while I feel pretty energetic, I am having difficulty maintaing a conversation because my train of conversation can't seem to stay on the track--I'm having word retrieval problems. If I were in my class, I'd probably refer me for a sped evaluation. I can't even remember the "conversation" I had with Sis yesterday, but I do remember it cracked us both up laughing because I couldn't understand her question to me or figure out how to answer. I also keep forgetting to do things, like make a phone call or find some paperwork that I need. Then I forget to make the list that is supposed to help me remember, and I'm all confused. Thank God this is temporary while I'm hypo.

I ventured outside of the house for the first time all week with Sis yesterday--she was my livery service to the hospital for bloodwork since Mr. Wonderful had to go to a fire. (He's a fireman obviously.) It was pouring buckets with tons of thunderstorms--great day to be out and about. I got to the lab and had to wait--sure enough, a "kid" who looked about 20 was sitting across from me, and asked if I had been a teacher at his high school. Turns out he was in my study when he was a freshman. Small world! We chatted until he got called and then it was finally my turn. The phlebotomist was sooooo chatty--she asked all about the cancer diagnosis, did a great job jabbing me and then sent me off with a hug. Kind of nice!

From there, Sis and I decided to attack a Whole Foods Market. I don't usually shop there, but I needed a few more LID ideas and figured it would be interesting. I think we were there for 2 hours just putzing around, checking everything out. I wanted to run through the cheese and dairy section! I got some meat and tons of produce, so it was a good trip. Everything there just seems to "look" better than in a regular supermarket. How do they do that? I really wonder about the organic food industry--is it really better? I have read that there is list of 10 veggies that you should buy organic because they have higher rates of being contaminated, but I can never remember what they are when I go shopping! I did switch to Tom's of Maine toothpaste, mouthwash and shower gel when we were going thru infertility treatments and have continued to use them, and I use mostly Origins makeup which is supposed to be natural....I suppose I could do more, but I don't know enough yet. Something else to add to my list of "Ooh--want to learn more about that too". It just makes me wonder, especially after the weeks on the LID and cooking mostly everything from scratch. Open to any feedback! I think if I had to choose, I like Trader Joe's better.

It felt good to be out and about, but I still have a funny feeling in my head--not quite lightheaded, but not normal either. I can't explain it. I don't feel safe driving a car, and I made my sister control the shopping cart since I was afraid I 'd knock into something and wouldn't be able to react quickly enough. Being hypo slows down your reflexes. I thought my hours of shopping would knock me out, but it didn't. I had trouble staying asleep last night and kept waking up. That might have been due to the incredibly loud wind that was whipping around the building all night, or that for the first time Mookie slept at the foot of the bed with us! Mr. Wonderful isn't too happy, but it's a big step for Mookie in trusting his new humans. He's such a lovebug!

So, two days with minimal headaches, and way more energy than I have had. I was even able to go to my Mother-in-Law's today for Mother's Day with Mr. W and my sister-in-law. We did Chinese food, or they did, and I grilled stuff. More veggies! It was nice to just hang out and spend time with everyone. This was my second Mother's Day without my mom, and it's just hard. I wore her charm bracelet today so every jingle made me think of both her and her mom--my grandmother also had a great charm bracelet that was quite jingly. It's also hard for me since I'm not and will probably never be a mom to kids of my own--some days I can handle it, but Mother's Day triggers a lot of stuff. It's not the way I ever pictured nor wanted my life to be, and I'm still pretty ambivalent about adoption. At this point, the cancer and our ages would probably knock us completely out of contention, but we haven't really had the luxury of being able to explore the adoption route since we keep flying from one crisis to another.

However, if I look beyond my own issues, I was incredibly blessed to have my Mom while I did even though at times I feel cheated now that she's gone. She was truly an amazing woman--she showed us how to face things head on and deal with adversity. She had a husband who was diagnosed at 30 with a rare cancer, two children, an elderly mother that she cared for, and eventually "lost" the man she married to a cerebral aneurysm when they were 45. When he suddenly passed away at 55 after years of failing health, she was forced to recreate her world as a single woman in what was a world of couples. Did I mention that she also lost her two of her closest friends before she was 50? All of this was done while working full-time as a sped teacher. She managed to find her way and rebuild her life, only to be slammed with the bizarre kidney disease that eventually caused the strokes that slowly took her from us. She was gone way too soon at 65.

I really miss her.

But what a role model in many ways. My sister gave a beautiful eulogy at her funeral, saying she was a warrior. She fit that description so well. I wonder what she would think of this whole thyroid cancer mess, and I wonder if I would be able to measure up to her in terms of handling this well? That thought crosses my mind so often! I do know that I come from a long line of pretty strong women, so I think I have some kind of Irish/genetic thing built in along with the lessons handed down directly from Mom. Plow through and get to the end of whatever it is. Then, briefly collapse before you have to pull yourself up again and start over.

Hmm. I didn't plan on writing about Mom. It just happened that way.

So Happy Mother's Day to the moms out there, and warm fuzzy thoughts to those who are struggling to get through the day for whatever reason.

Thanks Mom.