Communicating via iPod and the radio

It's Thanksgiving.  Makes me think of all sorts of family memories and traditions that have disappeared now that my parents are gone.  It's bittersweet, and every year I think it has to get easier, but it doesn't.  I'm also missing my grandmother's stuffing.

In the midst of baking an apple pie (mom's recipe) and all sorts of other goodies yesterday, Bob Marley's song "One Love" randomly rotated through the shuffle cycle on my iPod.  I was halfway through peeling and coring the bag of cortland apples, and that song started playing.  There are over 1300 songs on my iPod, so it seemed really spooky and odd to me that it started playing right then and there while doing the traditional preparations for Thanksgiving--you get out of school early and go home to bake stuff.  Of course I started crying and had to make sure I put down the slippery knife I was holding so I didn't accidently stab myself in the eye as I wiped away tears.  It passed quickly, but it was a sneak cry attack out of nowhere, triggered by a reggae beat. 

Back story to "One Love":  On a car trip back home from my aunt's in upstate NY, my sister and I were with our parents after going there for a 25th anniversary party.  My dad and mom were in the backseat, Sis and I were in the front.  I might have been driving?  Since we had control of the front seat, that meant we also were in control of all DJ functions, and therefore in charge of what music set the soundtrack for our trip.  After a couple of hours of mom's Frank Patterson tapes, you would understand just how important it was for us to gain control...so in went a Bob Marley tape. Sis was in college and had discovered reggae.  I had become acquainted with Bob a few years earlier in college as well.   Dad wasn't too familiar with reggae and wasn't too pleased since he wasn't used to Bob's soothing tones and beats.  Funny how he didn't complain about Frank warbling "Mother Machree" but he questioned Bob...he was hard of hearing and wore a hearing aid, and somehow couldn't hear Frank, but could hear Bob.  Mom had also morphed from her 50s and 60s oldies music into "if the singer has an Irish name and there's  shamrock on the cover, it must be good" phase.  We were trying to work with her, but it was a struggle.  Some might consider Frank to be a great tenor, but to me his voice is like nails on a chalkboard. 
After a couple of songs and a rousing sing along by Sis and me, "One Love" came on.  We let it play, and pretty soon I could see Dad's  head bopping to the beat in the backseat.  It was pretty comical.  He started to sing along with the chorus and finally admitted that this reggae stuff wasn't bad.  I think we played the song again later, and Sis remembers that we also played it on the ride up.   It quickly became a joke, Dad liking Bob Marley, and every time he heard "One Love" after that, he'd smile and sing the chorus.  It was pretty damn funny. 

Fast forward to my wedding:  Dad had passed away by the time I met Mr. Wonderful, and the idea of not having the father-daughter dance at my wedding was horrifying.  Girls spend their whole lives thinking of that moment, plotting and planning the "perfect" song,  and then spend their early adult lives watching friends and relatives have that special dance at weddings.  It's just part of the deal of life, right?  You get married, you get one last dance with your dad before Mr. Wonderful takes you away from him.  Yup, that wasn't in my cards.  And in the time between dad's death and my wedding, John McDermott comes out with a sappy song, "Dance with Me Daughter of Mine" that played on the Saturday Irish hour in steady rotation.  The song is about that damn dance, and it was enough to send me scrambling maddly to turn off the radio whenever it came on.  If I was at a wedding and it was time for the damn dance, I would leave the hall til it was over.  Wimpy, yes, but extremely painful.

Long explanation, sorry.

So when it was time to plan my day, I had to figure out what to do with that part of the reception, and the song "One Love" popped into my head.  There were no uncles that I wanted to dance with, and there was no way to replace my dad on that day, so it made sense to me and my mom and sis to have the song played in memory of my dad and just dance away in a big group.  The three of us were bawling of course, but it was as happy a cry as we could get on that day. 

Since their deaths,  "One Love" seems to pop up whenever I'm doing something that makes me think of my parents.  Before it was just Dad, but now it's both of them. I take it as signal that they're present in some way...songs seem to do that.  Why, out of 1300+ songs, would it pop on then?  As I'm making a pie from mom's recipe?  Sometimes it makes me think I'm nuts, but it's also comforting. 

This morning, as I was finishing up my baking spree, I put on the iPod again, on random shuffle again, and one of the first songs to start playing was "Weep Not for the Memories", an instrumental by Seamus Egan. 

It's a strange way to communicate, via my iPod, but I'll take it.  Dad's other song to check in with me is "Rolling Home" by Tommy Makem.  It was playing in the limo right after his funeral as we were literally rolling towards the cemetery to bury him.  We asked the limo driver to put on the Irish hour since it was a Saturday, and this song came on.  The words are eerie if you put it in context of a funeral.  We roared laughing and crying at the same time.   The song doesn't get much play, and we didn't hear it again.  I couldn't find it anywhere and gave up, hoping it would come on some random Saturday.  I didn't hear it again for 6 years--I heard it again one Saturday afternoon as I was getting ready for a date with Mr. Wonderful.  It stopped me in my tracks and made me cry hysterically.  I figured it was Dad's way of letting me know that he approved of Mr. W, and that he was paying attention.  After we got married, the song popped up on iTunes.  It's now on my iPod, and every now and then pops up at odd times on shuffle.

Maybe I'm reading too much into things, or trying too hard to keep my parents as active members in my daily life, but it works for me. 

Off to gather my baked goods to take to dinner and ponder about my gratitude...I'd have to say I'm thankful for my Mr. Wonderful and Sis at the top of the list, for being undetectable, for being able to function after thyca hell, for my friends and in-laws who have been a great support over the few years, and for being able to live a fairly comfortable life with a job, a roof over my head and food in the pantry.  And for Mookie and O'Malley.  It isn't exactly how I envisioned it or planned it, but for the most part, it's pretty damn good most of the time. 

Wasn't planning on writing this much this morning, but it came out of nowhere.  Or out of my iPod. 

Happy Thanksgiving...