I did go back to school this week, so I'm not dying yet. The anticipation is killing me in a way--will I crash or won't I? Between obsessing about food and hypo hell, I'm amazed I'm functioning at all! I am having some trouble remembering things--that's getting to be soooo annoying. I still have stuff to grade and term 4 grades to figure out by May 11th--I need to get them done before the brain fog sets in. I think my freak out on Friday was due to the severe lack of sleep. Cytomel causes insomnia and headaches...
A pretty depressing realization came over me today when I was reading the ThyCa forum--I'm going to have to do this LID diet next year along with no meds/hypo hell for the whole body scan that will tell me if I still have cancer lurking in various body parts. And then I'll have to do it again the following year, and probably the year after that....after a couple of clean scans, they rely on bloodwork until the numbers start going up. Sigh. And then you start again.
Please let me fall into the 2/3 of people who have no recurrence. It's going to be pretty annoying, having that thought in the back of my mind...will it come back or won't it? (I'm venting....let me rant.) It reminds me of the years with my dad--he survived cancer of the nasopharynx when he was only 30, and I remember my mom saying to us, "Say a prayer today--daddy has a doctor's appointment." I didn't understand why, so I just said an extra prayer. Strange that I'm going to be in the same boat. I am a strong swimmer though.
Ok, enough ranting. I let myself panic for a short amount of time every few days--let some negative thoughts pour in, shudder, and then push them out again after pondering for a few minutes. I've come to the decision that I can't control any of this, so it doesn't do me much good to let myself go nuts. What am I going to do--let the whole cancer thing rule/ruin my life? The doctor said it won't kill me meaning I'll still have a life to live, so I'll just keep reminding myself. A little panic is ok...keeps me on my toes.
On an LID food note, I made a pretty decent steak dinner with roasted potatoes, salad and my new favorite summer food--broccoli/carrot slaw from Trader Joe's. Mmmm! Mixed with the LID French vinagrette, it was soooo good. Better than the stuff from the store. Can't wait to have it in hot weather! Mr. Wonderful even loved it. Right now I'm starving. The LID stuff isn't too bad--I actually had fallen into a rut of not cooking as much from scratch, and I can see such a difference in how much healthier it is...I would love some dairy though.
As for the lovely Guinness glass above, I know that it should be empty, but that came later. I'm going to say that the glass is half full in spite of my rant. There's a lovely brown liquid in it, it hasn't been knocked off the table yet by my hypo clumsiness, Mr. Wonderful is sitting by my side in Dublin (where this was taken), and life is pretty damn good in the most important ways.
I wonder if there is any iodine in Guinness?
No comments:
Post a Comment