Density

Oh July was so good right up until the end, and then Reality slammed me on August 1st.  Or 2nd.  I've lost track of which day.

I had a bone density scan and a mammogram on the 31st, great way to end July.

Dr. N called me on the first and left a message, saying that my bone density was normal (Yay for all that milk drinking I've done all my life) and my mammogram was normal (strange I thought that she'd have the results back so fast, but whatever--I'll take normal.)  My other bloodwork was fine--cholesterol came down, triglycerides came down (thank you Wii!), but the damn cardio reactive protein is still way too elevated, so she really wants me to go on a statin to see if it helps.  Grr. So overall, I was ok with those results.  And still undetectable.

However, Dr. N called me the next morning to tell me that she had in fact read the wrong mammogram results, and that mine were "abnormal", so I would need to be done again, this time with mammography and an ultrasound.  Apparently there was a spot that was denser than the rest, and it was hard to tell what was going on.  Thus began 5 long, agonizing days of waiting until my appointment this morning.  Dr. N told me that about half her patients get callbacks, and percentage-wise the chances of having breast cancer were....I stopped her and reminded her of how she gave me the same speech about thyca.  She got a good laugh out of that one.  But can you get cancer twice in the space of two years?

I haven't felt this anxious since the thyca diagnosis.  I hadn't found any lumps or bumps, but there was a spot that felt "cysty" to me and actually caused some pain.  I've always had issues with painful cysts that come and go with my cycles, and I didn't really think anything of this.  Intellectually I could tell myself that, but emotionally my mind went to the Dark Place of Bad News.  Plus I'm still not sure about the role of menopause and estrogen on my cyst cycle, so how could I even be sure of what I was feeling?  Too many what ifs circulating in my brain. 

I am overjoyed to report that there is in fact a cluster of cysts, and nothing more serious to worry about.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

The mammographer was great, and it turns out is a thcya survivor of 13 years!  We swapped stories and for some strange reason talking about thyca calmed me down as she poked, squashed and rearranged for the best images.  It was, um, painful to say the least, but that just made me more convinced that it was a cyst in there, lurking in the denseness.  Our stories were eerily similar, but she hadn't tried to go gluten free yet.  Said she was thinking about it. 

After the pics, I had to have an ultrasound.  The tech was reassuring and done in minutes, but then called me back in to say that the doctor wanted to redo the ultrasound himself.  Oh shit.  The guy was overly cheerful and I really wanted to smack him, but I held back.  Plus I was completely exposed and it would have been an awkward situation sine I really needed him to figure out what was going on in there. After what seemed an enternity of scanning and more gel, he said, "I'm looking at a bunch of cysts, and I don't see anything to be worried about in here."  Can you say huge sigh of relief?  Once he was done and told me to come back in a year, I burst into tears.  Real tears with real crying--I think I scared the poor technician to death!   What a relief.  Amazing how emotional you can get with this stuff. 

Mr. Wonderful came with me and was looking pretty anxious when I was called in, and he looked even more worried when I came out with a smile on my face.  We promptly went out for breakfast to celebrate (too early for wine, but I will have some later!).  How this man puts up with my health stuff I'll never know--it's so hard to tell him every time something new comes up, to see the worry on his face as I can tell he's trying to keep me calm. I do get some pretty good hugs and cuddles though.... :)  In sickness and in health, right? 

I hate the way I let this stuff put my life on hold for a few days--I seem to plow ahead, aiming to get to the next date before I can figure new stuff out.  I knew this was on the 7th, so it's almost as if I have to get past the event on that date before I can plan beyond it, if that makes any sense.  I didn't exactly curl up in a ball for the 5 days, but it was always lurking in the back of my mind. 

So.  I have a green light to enjoy the rest of the summer, which I plan to do.  Not sure how, but now that I've made it past this morning, I can start planning stuff again. 

Thanks to St. Peregrine for keeping watch this time....