My estrogen level was a whopping 12, and my FSH, that stupid number that determines fertility treatments, was 43. When we did fertility stuff, everybody I met cringed when my FSH was at a lowly 15. Ha. Dr. N said she was surprised at how fast my body moved into this state. She also said she has about 20 women in their early 40s all going through the same thing. Makes me wonder what we are doing to ourselves....
So, I now officially feel bad for my ovaries. I am really pissed off at years and years of horrendous periods that were for nothing. If I only knew then what I knew now, I really could have enjoyed myself in high school when I was really fertile and slept around, and probably have gotten pregnant. I'm chuckling to myself as I type that. I suppose my ovaries are taking a well-deserved break after years of fighting off attacks from endometriomas and antibodies. Sweet dreams to you both, and thanks for all your efforts...
Since my estrogen is in the cellar, I do need to take hormone replacement to make up for it so I can function again like a normal human being. I don't like the idea of doing this, but I have age on my side when it comes to horrible risk factors. Dr. N said she'd start me off on an extremely low dose and see what it does. If it works, then she figures I'd need to stay on it til I'm about 47. I can look forward to diminishing hot flashes and more sleep. It's the lack of sleep that's killing me--I know my processing is off some days, and my memory is atrocious. My really well-organized classroom is a disaster this year, and we won't even mention the state of my house. My mother would be yelling about how she didn't raise me this way. I could yell back that I got 50% of her lousy genes, so there.
Funniest moment of the day: Sis came to the appointment with me and gave her opinion of my cognitive functioning, which was not positive.
Later in the car, she said,
"It's like you're a really, really old brain damaged woman." Hmm. What does one do with that??
I told her to fuck off.
And we laughed ourselves to the point of tears.
Mr. Wonderful agreed. I told him to fuck off as well.
I know I'm off. How do you think it is, being inside this head? It's a scary place, full of dark corners and holes that suck up info I used to be able to retain. I'm lucky I can remember what I ate for breakfast lately.
I looked up the website for the newest drug in my regimen, Prempro. I wanted to yell at the monitor since the face smiling back at me had gray hair and had to be at least 15 years older than I am right now. On a positive note, by the time my normal friends are going through this, I'll be done with it.
And hopefully looking and feeling fabulous.
This is actually very accurate.
As for the rest of the bloodwork results, no issues with insulin and blood sugar--very big yay! Cholesterol wasn't good at 228, but she said that could be worse due to the insomnia. Weight gain was a couple of pounds, and all my other vitamin levels were good.
I didn't get to hear the word "undetectable" though--she didn't order it for this round. She'll check the thyroglobulin in March, and then redo all the hormones in May. As for thyca, she's pretty confident that I won't have any problems in the future and that it won't come back since I've been undetectable all along. We might do a whole body scan in June to make sure. She said she's more worried about my hormonal nightmare and wants to get that stabilized. I'm such a mess.
I took my estrogen pill. I'm going to bed. I'm hoping things calm down soon--I could use some relief and restoration of my mental capacities before I cry myself into blubbering mess after another mood swing.
And before I forget--today would have been my grandmother Reki's birthday! Even though I was only 14 when she died, she was an amazing presence in my life and I still miss her terribly now. I often wonder what she would think about things and wish I could talk to her.
Oh crap, that's going to start an emotional avalanche and I'll start crying! *&^^%$# hormones.
POINT OF CLARIFICATION: Sis says that she said I was like a "really old, old, old brain damaged woman." I of course remembered it differently. The point is the same either way, no?
No comments:
Post a Comment