2010 in Review

This "Year in Review" idea is from Boston Globe columnist Beverly Beckham, and an article published in today's paper.  She said she has her family fill in the blanks about the year that just ended.  I thought it would be interesting to see how my 2010 stacks up, The Year of the Thyroid Cancer.  My answers are in red....

In 2010, I gained weight and entrance into the Cancer Club, neither one by choice. 

I lost my entire thyroid, 16 lymph nodes and a sense that I can trust my body ever again. It was on shaky ground after the infertility hell, but cancer convinced me.  

I stopped obsessing about things I can't control. 

I started to look at life differently and pay more attention to little things. 

I was hugely satisfied by the word "UNDETECTABLE" and my battle scar. 

And frustrated by "If you have to have cancer, this is the best kind to have."  Are you serious??  This sucks!  And none of it is going away any time soon.  I'd really love to be able to remember things, sleep for more than four hours a night and not look like the StayPuft Marshmallow Man.  Best my ass. 

I am so embarrassed that I got negative at times. 

Once again, I persevered and plowed through. It's a family trait I inherited. Thanks Mom. 

Once again, I did not get pregnant.  Sigh. 

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is I am a cancer survivor!  And 20 pounds heavier....

I loved spending time reading and going to live concerts. 

Why did I spend even two minutes trying to think that I could change other people?

I should have spent more time not thinking about those people. They are disappointing, they suck and they always will suck.  

I regret buying nothing....it was probably on sale anyway.

I will never regret buying a plane ticket to Ireland even though with that money I could have bought a cruise to the Caribbean.

I overanalyze way too much.

I didn’t socialize enough. Gimme a break--I had cancer.  

My hypo/radiation brain drove me crazy. So did the low iodine diet.  

Was school crazier than ever last year? Or was it me? Feels crazier this year actually. Hard to believe that is possible. 

The most relaxing place I went was  under my covers.

I feel so sad when I write that down. However, my bed is awesome with its flannel sheets from LLBean and its giant down comforter.  It was a pretty good place to hide out.  

Why did I go to Calais, Maine?

The best thing I did for someone else was make meals that could be frozen and used during their cancer treatment.

The best thing I did for myself was buy a newer, bigger iPod. 1,845 songs on it as of today!  Love that little shiny piece of purple wonderfulness. 

The best thing someone did for me was send me cards and goodies,  call me, listen to me, tell me I was going to be ok. My students were awesome and sent me the best cards....

The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, is remember stuff and sleep!  

So how is 2011 shaping up?  Mr. Wonderful and I spent the day/night working in mom's condo, and for the first time I think I can see light at the end of the tunnel.  Not much more to do, and we might be able to finally move in the next couple of weeks.  

We didn't go to First Night.  

Boston has fireworks at 7:30 for the kids, so we were able to watch them from the window.  We shut the lights off and just stood there, watching.  It was a pretty good show, and we started chatting about 2011.  I had the marvelous purple iPod playing all day on random shuffle, and in the midst of our chat, highlighted by multi colored fireworks, the song "I Will Survive" came on.  Ok, so it was the  Spanish version by Celia Cruz, but it translates the same.  I started laughing my ass off, thinking how odd it was to have that particular song come on as we were discussing the future.  Pretty funny iPod, no?  A little freaky, but not too bad.  However, the next song after Celia screamed her last "Azucar" was "Mad World".  WTF??  Here's a sampling of the lyrics...

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

So is my iPod once again trying to tell me something?  Luckily REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know It" didn't come on next, or I would have jumped off the 5th floor balcony!

After the turmoil and chaos of this year, I really don't want to think about it being a "Mad World". I can go along with Celia's rendition of "I Will Survive"....

I need to set out some goals for 2011...
1.  I will make time to exercise.  Even though I hate it and the thoughts of it make me depressed.
2.  I will drag Mr. Wonderful to some kind of concert/play/performance/movie once a month.
3.  I will take my daily vitamins.  Daily.
4.  I will not, not, not stay at school every night til 6pm.
5.  I will clean my house more often.
6.  I will travel somewhere relaxing.  Preferably with a beach.
7.  I will not freak out about my thyca bloodwork.  It's part of the routine of life, so deal with it.
8.  I will get a mammogram and get all my other medical stuff back on track.
9.  I will continue to chat with St. Peregrine.
10. I will make time to read, do cross stitch and scrapbook. And maybe sing.   Not enough creative outlets in 2010.

Yes, these are just about me.  I'll figure out goals that include other people later.   Some of them look achievable.  I'll leave them here, and come back at the end of January to see how I'm doing.
Not sad to see 2010 go, not sad to see the whole decade go.  I had some wonderful things happen in my life between 2000 and 2010, but the bad outweighed the good.  And the bad stuff has been pretty horrifically bad, not just annoying.
So here's hoping for a better 2011--relatively happy, prosperous and very healthy....