Now, wait for results.

Snow day #4 was this past Thursday!
We'll be in school all summer.
I like having one or two snow days, but this is ridiculous.  And there's another storm due Tuesday into Wednesday--this one is being called a "coast to coast blizzard".
And it's not even February.  That's when it usually snows a ton, and January is just really really cold.

Bloodwork day....

Today was a trek to get my bloodwork done.  Got to Lab #1 10 minutes before closing time, but labworker had already locked the door, was busy chatting on the phone and told me she was closed.  Went to hospital with 24 hour lab but couldn't find parking anywhere nearby.  Two story high snow piles didn't help.  Went to lab #3 and finally found both parking and open lab.
Due to 12-14 hours of fasting, I think this was the closest I've ever come to passing out.  Dr. N is testing every possible hormone level to see what is really going on.  Of course I'm looking to hear the word "undetectable" for the thyroid cancer, but I'm on edge for all the other fun stuff--insulin, lipids, cholesterol, a complete metabolic panel...so much of this stuff has been off for the past couple of years that this time probably won't be good either.   I downed a banana and a bottle of cranberry juice to get rid of the lightheadedness.  Never had that before.
Mr. Wonderful and I then went to a great restaurant recommended by a labworker for breakfast/brunch.  I was starving and that veggie omlet tasted soooooo good.  I came home and took a nap.  Just what I needed after sleeping til 11am.  And I've been sleeping much better lately, but apparently not enough.  I wonder if I'm throwing all I have to get through work and then crash once my day/week is over.
8 vials of blood can mess you up I guess.
I'm so screwed up.
However, I have been eating lots and lots of veggies and fruit.  And almonds.  That has to help, right?  And I even got myself back on my bike.
Now I have to not think about the results til my appointment with Dr. N on Feb. 11th.

Date night! 

Mr. W and I had a date night tonight and went to see "The King's Speech".  Really good.  The cast was amazing--hope they win a bucketload of Oscars.  "The Fighter" is next on the list.  There is a new version of "Jane Eyre" coming out soon--the trailer looked interesting.  Dame Judi Dench is Mrs. Fairfax--definitely have to see that since it's one of my all-time favorite books.  I usually read it once a year or so, so I might have to pick it up again soon.

Not sure what's on the table for tomorrow.  I have 80 tests to correct and 6 more letters of recommendation to finish.

Dancing with melatonin

Snow Day dancing again. 
We're supposed to get another 6-12 inches of snow. 
Are you kidding me? 
Not sure yet if we have tomorrow off, so I'll update later.

Another reason for dancing: melatonin has rocked my world and I have been sleeping!  Like, really sleeping and waking up feeling like I really really slept.

Ok, so I added some cough syrup with coedine that I had left over from October's nasty cold, but last night it was just melatonin and I slept.  I've tried 2mg each night. 

Oh it feels so good!  I don't want to jinx myself, but.....

Tossin' and turnin'

Good morning Miss Mary Sunshine.  

I finally called Dr. N regarding my state of sleeplessness.  It's getting that bad.  I thought maybe I could hold out until I go see her in February, but by this past Monday I couldn't take it anymore.

I barely slept all last week, maybe 4 hours a night tops.  None of it restful.  One night I kicked Mr. Wonderful and flung my pillow across the room because I was so pissed off that he could peacefully snore (loudly) next to me, and here I was tossing and turning and dripping in sweat like Finn who had just come out of a sauna.  He just rolled over and continued snoring.  Bastard.

When I got up Saturday at 9:30, I could barely function.  I mean I was groggy, grumpy and grouchy.  It didn't help that my coffee thingie (French Press I think)  was in the dishwasher, and Mr. Wonderful had just turned it on.  So no coffee--didn't want to risk breaking it.  I went back into my room with a hazy idea of folding laundry...instead I collapsed on the heap and fell back to sleep til, oh, 5pm.

Sunday?  Lather, rinse, repeat.  I slept pretty much all day.  Dude, where's my weekend?  I got nothing done.  Zilch. Zero. Nada.  No grading, no planning, no rec letter writing (11 left...), nothing fun to spice up the end of the week.  &^%$#!

Monday was a holiday, and same thing.  So I called Dr. N, figuring she'd tell me my TSH was clearly oversuppressed blah blah blah.  No, she blames it squarely on menopause.  Sigh.  I'm 42.  I'm too damn young to be pulling into this station already.  She figures the RAI (gift that keeps on giving) fried what was left of my already pitiful ovaries, and my reproductive years are effectively over.  Toast.  Done.

Result?  Not enough estrogen.  Hence, hot flashes and insomnia.

Me at 2am, 3am, 4am...."Melting, I'm melting!" 

Anyone who has known me for a long time knows that I love to sleep.  I am not a morning person (thank you thyroid from hell) and never have been--if I can squeeze two more nanoseconds of sleep out of my morning, I will.  Do not bug me early in the morning with a cheery "Rise and shine!" or I will throw things at you.  And yell things at you.  My mother used to drive me absolutely batty when I was younger--her thyroid was overactive, so she was the poster child for "Oh what a beautiful morning!!!"

I'm still amazed we didn't kill each other.

So there.  

Anyway, Dr, N immediately starts telling me that she'll write a me a script for replacement hormones and that will cure my lack of sleep.....wait, isn't HRT a bad thing for all kinds of reasons? Ha ha, joke's on me--I remember hearing all those news reports a couple of years ago smugly thinking, "I won't have to worry about that for a while!", and I didn't pay attention to them. Funny life bites you in the ass, huh?   Estrogen can feed tumors....remember that's why you weren't crazy about me trying to get pregnant post-thyca diagnosis?  Not that it was really going to happen, but there was a very small sliver of hope that it could have at that point.  I'll have to ask her why it would be ok to flood myself with estrogen now....just a thought.  She said to try some natural stuff, and we'll talk more in February.  She also started talking about all the other things my lack of sleep would mess up--high blood pressure, insulin resistance, weight gain...maybe I should have taken her up on her offer.  She said I could take an over-the-counter aid, like Simply Sleep.  I went to the local CVS to get some, and they were all out.  What does that say about the state of our society??  I picked up the CVS brand, but I'm a little leery of trying it out on a school night.  I'll wait till the weekend to make sure I can actually tolerate the stuff.  But oh to have a good solid block of uninterrupted sleep....

So I tried some melatonin.  It helped a little--I still woke up a ton, but at least I felt like I had gotten some sleep in there.  Doesn't help that I caught a nasty cold running its way through school and I can't breathe.  I wonder if my sinuses are worse since RAI? Oh wait--lack of sleep also equals compromised immune system.  Double sigh.

Pity party, my place!

Ok, off to bed.  Or off to toss and turn for a few hours, curse the snoring hulk, squint at the alarm clock, calculate how much sleep I can get before the alarm goes off, throw the covers off and on at least 5 times and maybe rest a little.

This is not a good state to be in when you work with teenagers all day.  I don't think I ever appreciated that some of my teachers were in this same boat and having to deal with us all day.

Oh, and to add to the misery, my planned scrapbooking weekend has fallen through due a stomach bug that attacked my friend's 7 year old daughter.  Today.  I was planning to head out to her place tomorrow night for a wine-filled scrapbooking fest where I would finally (finally!) finish scrapbooking my wedding from April 2006.  I took the day off from work and everything, now I have to give it back.  I uploaded 146 pics from this year's adventures and picked them up at CVS too, and now they'll have to sit in the bag for a little while longer. We'll reschedule, but I was really looking forward to it.  Maybe I'll sit up Friday night and work on a few pages.  I need to finish it.  Figures.

Rumors are snow is arriving after midnight tomorrow...I'll do my Snow Day Dance tomorrow, praying for Friday.

Now, off to try to sleep.

UPDATE:  Woo hoo I actually slept through most of the night!  I took some Dayquil and 2mg of melatonin.  I could kind of hear myself talking to myself as I dozed off, but I don't know what kind of conversation we were having.  I woke up once with a hot flash, but then slept for a good 5 hours without waking up.  I actually felt kind of rested this morning!  Yay melatonin.

OMG I've been "published"!

Hee hee hee!
I love the site DearThyroid.org and check it a couple of times a week.  It can be inspirational to read what people have written about their thyroid battles, and every now and then they ask for submissions around certain themes/ideas.
The latest one was an acrostic poem to the words "Bite Me."  How perfect.
So I wrote something and submitted it.
And it's on the website with my name!
Even better than seeing my stuff in print is reading the comments that people have left--made me get all teary and want to cry a little.  And I loved the pinup they picked for my entry--very nice.  If only I looked like that. The hair color is right!

Highlight of my day so far, especially considering that so far a full half of my darling little snowflakes didn't do any of the work they were supposed to do despite having two extra days to complete it.
Whatever.  Bite me.

Blizzard!

I'll admit it.  I did my Snow Day Dance, and apparently it worked very well.

We had today off as Mother Nature slammed us with over a foot of snow.  We also have tomorrow off since it kept snowing heavily all day.  Most of the schools around here closed for both days.  Problem is it's the wet, heavy stuff that is hard to shovel and move around.

View from my balcony around 10 am

So, another day to sleep in tomorrow and work on rec letters.  31 down, 23 to go.  At least I'm over the halfway point, and can do some more tomorrow. It was nice to catch up on sleep today since I'm still not sleeping through the night--I think all of my posts lately have a line like that in there somewhere.  I can't decide if I'm feeling hyper or hypo?  Hard to tell since insomnia can be signs of both.

I love snow days since it really is great to not have to get up so damn early.  However, it is not a free day--we have to make it up in June since the days get tacked on at the end of the year.  No biggie you say?  Hmm.  I have now lost two prime days of instruction time out of my January calendar, so something will have to get scrunched or condensed so we can cover everything.  No teaching will get done on those extra days at the end--it will be 95 degrees in the shade without air conditioning, the term will be over and we will be babysitting and providing entertainment.  So while I love rolling over at 5:30am, I know that we're going to pay for it later.  The snow really is pretty this storm since it is sticking to everything.

Usually snow day patterns follow this cycle....

If the streets are clear by tomorrow afternoon, they won't cancel for the next storm.  I thought this graph was kind of funny and it made me chuckle because it's so true.  

I'm actually feeling tired, so I'm going to go to bed before a second wind kicks in.  I wonder if when I take my vitamins has something to do with it?  I usually take my calcium chewies and multivitamin with dinner, but today I took them around lunch.  I feel like I could fall asleep easily, and today wasn't exactly a heavy-lifting day.  I'll see--maybe I should take them at lunch time....

2010 in Review

This "Year in Review" idea is from Boston Globe columnist Beverly Beckham, and an article published in today's paper.  She said she has her family fill in the blanks about the year that just ended.  I thought it would be interesting to see how my 2010 stacks up, The Year of the Thyroid Cancer.  My answers are in red....

In 2010, I gained weight and entrance into the Cancer Club, neither one by choice. 

I lost my entire thyroid, 16 lymph nodes and a sense that I can trust my body ever again. It was on shaky ground after the infertility hell, but cancer convinced me.  

I stopped obsessing about things I can't control. 

I started to look at life differently and pay more attention to little things. 

I was hugely satisfied by the word "UNDETECTABLE" and my battle scar. 

And frustrated by "If you have to have cancer, this is the best kind to have."  Are you serious??  This sucks!  And none of it is going away any time soon.  I'd really love to be able to remember things, sleep for more than four hours a night and not look like the StayPuft Marshmallow Man.  Best my ass. 

I am so embarrassed that I got negative at times. 

Once again, I persevered and plowed through. It's a family trait I inherited. Thanks Mom. 

Once again, I did not get pregnant.  Sigh. 

The biggest physical difference between me last December and this December is I am a cancer survivor!  And 20 pounds heavier....

I loved spending time reading and going to live concerts. 

Why did I spend even two minutes trying to think that I could change other people?

I should have spent more time not thinking about those people. They are disappointing, they suck and they always will suck.  

I regret buying nothing....it was probably on sale anyway.

I will never regret buying a plane ticket to Ireland even though with that money I could have bought a cruise to the Caribbean.

I overanalyze way too much.

I didn’t socialize enough. Gimme a break--I had cancer.  

My hypo/radiation brain drove me crazy. So did the low iodine diet.  

Was school crazier than ever last year? Or was it me? Feels crazier this year actually. Hard to believe that is possible. 

The most relaxing place I went was  under my covers.

I feel so sad when I write that down. However, my bed is awesome with its flannel sheets from LLBean and its giant down comforter.  It was a pretty good place to hide out.  

Why did I go to Calais, Maine?

The best thing I did for someone else was make meals that could be frozen and used during their cancer treatment.

The best thing I did for myself was buy a newer, bigger iPod. 1,845 songs on it as of today!  Love that little shiny piece of purple wonderfulness. 

The best thing someone did for me was send me cards and goodies,  call me, listen to me, tell me I was going to be ok. My students were awesome and sent me the best cards....

The one thing I’d like to do again, but do it better, is remember stuff and sleep!  

So how is 2011 shaping up?  Mr. Wonderful and I spent the day/night working in mom's condo, and for the first time I think I can see light at the end of the tunnel.  Not much more to do, and we might be able to finally move in the next couple of weeks.  

We didn't go to First Night.  

Boston has fireworks at 7:30 for the kids, so we were able to watch them from the window.  We shut the lights off and just stood there, watching.  It was a pretty good show, and we started chatting about 2011.  I had the marvelous purple iPod playing all day on random shuffle, and in the midst of our chat, highlighted by multi colored fireworks, the song "I Will Survive" came on.  Ok, so it was the  Spanish version by Celia Cruz, but it translates the same.  I started laughing my ass off, thinking how odd it was to have that particular song come on as we were discussing the future.  Pretty funny iPod, no?  A little freaky, but not too bad.  However, the next song after Celia screamed her last "Azucar" was "Mad World".  WTF??  Here's a sampling of the lyrics...

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

So is my iPod once again trying to tell me something?  Luckily REM's "It's the End of the World as We Know It" didn't come on next, or I would have jumped off the 5th floor balcony!

After the turmoil and chaos of this year, I really don't want to think about it being a "Mad World". I can go along with Celia's rendition of "I Will Survive"....

I need to set out some goals for 2011...
1.  I will make time to exercise.  Even though I hate it and the thoughts of it make me depressed.
2.  I will drag Mr. Wonderful to some kind of concert/play/performance/movie once a month.
3.  I will take my daily vitamins.  Daily.
4.  I will not, not, not stay at school every night til 6pm.
5.  I will clean my house more often.
6.  I will travel somewhere relaxing.  Preferably with a beach.
7.  I will not freak out about my thyca bloodwork.  It's part of the routine of life, so deal with it.
8.  I will get a mammogram and get all my other medical stuff back on track.
9.  I will continue to chat with St. Peregrine.
10. I will make time to read, do cross stitch and scrapbook. And maybe sing.   Not enough creative outlets in 2010.

Yes, these are just about me.  I'll figure out goals that include other people later.   Some of them look achievable.  I'll leave them here, and come back at the end of January to see how I'm doing.
Not sad to see 2010 go, not sad to see the whole decade go.  I had some wonderful things happen in my life between 2000 and 2010, but the bad outweighed the good.  And the bad stuff has been pretty horrifically bad, not just annoying.
So here's hoping for a better 2011--relatively happy, prosperous and very healthy....