There is another blog I love written by a school psychologist, and she wrote a great entry about how hard it is to unwind after 10 straight months of being "on" every day--she described it as going 110 mph every day, and then suddenly hitting a brick wall when the school year ends. It takes some time to recover from the impact of hitting the wall! Only after that will you be able to really relax. While I had the "luxury" (if you want to call it that) of missing the month of May, I think the end of June made up for it. I had to move my classroom in the midst of all of the usual end of the year chaos, so it was insane. The trip to Nova Scotia helped, but I firmly believe that Mr. Wonderful has ADHD, and we were on the go every day. One of these days I'm going to kidnap him and drag him to a Caribbean island and plunk his ass on a beach and force him to sit for a few minutes....who am I kidding? I spent enough time with hyper kids to know that that might never happen!
My biggest brick wall is slowly crumbling...it's 1pm, I haven't showered and I have no idea what I want to do with my day. I'm not complaining......
Back to the summer house--it's in a community with a common beach on a lake, and I've been coming here every summer since I was three. There are sooooo many family memories here--it's hard sometimes to be here without my parents. They should be here. We should be doing all the things my sister and I envisioned as we were growing up--family weekends, time at the beach, hanging out together. That will never happen with all of us, and some days the pain is so raw. Other days, it's just how life has turned out. Sis has redone the house and yard (amazing!), so it isn't exactly the same as it was two summers ago when Mom was up here for the last time. It was really hard for me to come here last year, but this year seems a little easier. I guess it's just a matter of adjusting to a new normal. I have to be honest--it sucks.
The Beach.
But, Sis and I can figure it out and make the best of what we have. We are so lucky our parents made the decision to buy the house when they did since we could never do the same now. I should go down to the beach, but I really don't want to put on a bathing suit. It's hot and sunny, but despite what I put in an earlier post about accepting how I'm looking these days, I still feel like the StayPuft marshmallow man.
And if I go back to the previous paragraph about my parents not being here, it can be difficult some days to watch all the extended families--grandparents and grandchildren are hard to watch. Not all the time, but every now and then. Avoidance is a pretty good strategy. Besides, I'm not supposed to get sun on my scar, and I'd have to have those conversations with people who probably know about the cancer, but won't mention it and will keep dancing around it until I bring it up in a fairly blunt way that makes me seem like a bitch. There is a large purple elephant here--his name is Thyroidless Theodore, or TT for short . Let me introduce you. He's become my best buddy, so he'll be friendly to you too. Once you've met him, it's not so bad. He loves when people talk about him and acknowledge his existence.
Thyroidless Theodore
I'll probably go in town and get a dump sticker for my car. Woo hoo.
I'm actually tired today, and no word from doctor about Tuesday's bloodwork. I don't know if I should call and pester her--the TSH comes back a day later, but I think she said the thyroglobulin takes a few days. Brain fogginess continues, and it's so annoying! While the end of the school year was hitting a rather large and imposing wall, I keep hitting smaller versions of the wall at least once a day. It's as if everything shuts down for a couple of hours, and caffeine is the only thing that peels me off the wall again. I suppose the resulting insomnia later on isn't good either, but right now that's how I'm getting through the days.
So I will start to relax. I actually like the word better in Spanish--Me voy a relejar. It sounds better.
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