Self portrait

Summer road trippin' thru Vermont....

Since my photo from Ireland did so well in the boston.com/raw contest, I figured I'd enter one for July.  The theme is self-portraits, and the rules state that some appropriate body part has to be in the shot.  I don't need my big nose or puffy face in there, so I thought I'd play with the mirrors on the car.  A few other people had similar ideas from what I could see in the galleries, but I didn't put my face in.  Artsy fartsy, no?  Figured I have nothing to lose except a little dignity...Mr. Wonderful thought I was insane trying to line some shots up without dropping the camera out the window at 55 mph.  I took this a couple of weeks ago as we roamed the main roads and back streets of Vermont.  

Other than playing with my photos, I've been sleeping a lot.  Like until noon most days.  I'm trying really hard to go to bed even when I feel wired, but last night stayed awake lying in bed plugged in to my iPod til 2:50am.  I woke up at 9:30 with a snuggly O'Malley and promptly fell back to sleep until 11:45.  Don't feel too draggy though, so maybe things are getting better?  Thank God it's summer and I don't have to face my hordes of teenagers more sleep deprived than I normally am.  

I'm in NH at the summer compound, hanging out with Sis and the cats  for a few days.  Mr. Wonderful has to work, poor thing.  Humidity finally broke yesterday--today is full of blue skies, crisp cool air and no mugginess.  Heaven!  We have been making our daily raiding runs to Moulton's for freshly picked corn and assorted veggies.  And to the dump, where you need to have at least a PhD if you want to have any chance of properly disposing of all your garbage in the correct locations on one pass through the facility.  

Off to shuck some corn--dinner is corn with pesto chicken.  The pesto is coming directly from Sis' garden and her gigantic basil plants.  

A Lament of Sorts...but not thyroid cancer related!

Now that summer is in full swing, I can turn my attention away from Spanish lit and grammar and culture and not think about lesson planning, grading or my kids.  It's funny to have all that mental space freed up so suddenly!  I usually love the summer for that reason--I can delve into the stack of books by my bedside that have been waiting to be read all school year, and I can pick up my counted cross stitching that has been sorely neglected.  Since the RAI and being hypo, I have had some difficulty concentrating.  I've been able to read in short bursts, so it's taking me forever to get through things.  Magazines are working out pretty well;  novels, not so much.

As for the cross stitching, I have a giant container of projects waiting to be done.  I'm in the midst of a sampler for Mr. Wonderful and our future library, and it's 3/4 of the way finished.  Now I'm getting antsy to line up the next project.  I've been doing this stuff since 1994 when a colleague at work brought in a kit and asked if anyone was interested in trying it.  I had seen my mom, grandmother and aunt all do needlework my whole life, so I said I would.  And I was hooked.  I had done some stamped cross stitch when I was little (I still remember the pattern--it had a train on it), but didn't stick with it.
Fast forward to now, and I've developed a liking for certain designers, like Bent Creek, Prairie Schooler, Lizzie Kate, patterns and threads. Most of the stuff I've stitched is given away as gifts, and I love to see the reaction when someone sees the finished product.

Current WIP (work in progress) is the "Old books" sampler, not the white bear.  Given Mr. Wonderful's collection of old books, it's apropos....

I also love to find stitchery shops--I can spend hours browsing and contemplating what should be added to the project box.  When Mr. W and I went to Vermont last weekend, we went with the main objective of going to a car show.  He always tells me that he'll go to one of my stitchery shops since I'm willing to go look at old cars with him (the cars can be pretty interesting).  Turns out that there aren't too many shops left in Vermont, but there was one in Sunderland, right near Manchester--the Battenkill Stitchery Shop.  Woo hoo!  It was a great place, chock full of needlepoint and materials.  Not as much x-stitch, but enough to keep me happy.  I had a good conversation with the owner, and she was telling me how the business of selling stitching materials was changing.  She said half her shop used to be devoted to x-stitch, and now it was about a 1/4.  Most of the decline was due to internet retailers, and the fact that people just aren't continuing with needlework as a hobby.  Part of this conversation came up from my telling her that my favorite store in Meredith NH, Hunters Needlework,  was closed this year--so much for my annual pilgrimage--and that another big needlework store in neighboring Center Harbor was phasing out its x-stitch section.  There just aren't many shops left selling charts and materials in New England.  Kits are ok sometimes, but it's not the same.  The big chain craft stores don't carry the really cool independent designers.  I like to be able to see the chart and the image of the finished work so I know whether or not I can handle it--I bought a kit once for my mom that had a sampler of Texas (she was born there), and I never even started it.  Once I took it out of the package, it was way more difficult than it looked.  I think it's still in the project box.

As for Mr. W, he didn't actually come in the shop with me.  He spotted a 60s vintage car on the side of the road  not far from the shop and went off to check it out.

My other favorite store was in Dublin, and that closed a few years ago.  Mom and I made it a point to stop in every time we went over since they had a great selection of needlepoint that she liked, and I could get some designs I couldn't find in the US.

Inside of Yankee Cross Stitch in N. Hampton, NH on route 1.   Love that place too!  Road trip anyone?  

It saddens me to think that I might not be able to find brick and mortar shops much longer and will have to rely solely on the internet.  The great thing about the shop in Meredith was that the women who owned it knew so much about their products, and they could give great advice and suggestions about how to change colors, or what material to use.  It doesn't help that as the older generation dies, there is no younger generation to step in.  I vividly remember mom in the summer with the ladies from our community sitting on the beach teaching each other how to crochet or knit or do needlepoint.  Bargello was all the rage one year.  Now, if I go up and sit on the beach, I'm the only one with my bag of stuff to stitch.

I guess the conversation with the woman in Vermont scared me a little to think that this type of crafting might be disappearing gradually.  I love the way I can see a piece work up and I love the finished product.  I love the way I can take a design and tweak it the way I want.  I love being able to disconnect for a short amount of time and have something to show for my efforts.

My goal is to finish the old books sampler, and start on a heart design for Sis and the NH house.  She has also "commissioned" a piece (ooh--sounds so important when you put it like that) for me to create that says "La Biblioteca", or The Library, for the new library/office/den in NH.  We have to sit down and draw it out, but I think she has a vision in mind.  I'm also oogling a giant design by Bent Creek called the Big Zipper--one is round, one is square.  I like them both, but I want to see what the charts and materials look like before I make the investment....Hunter's would have carried both of them.  Now I have to go online....

Notice I didn't really mention my thyroid once in here?  :)

Roller coaster ridin'

It's after midnight, and once again I'm awake.  Mr. Wonderful has been snoring for the past hour and a half, and I'm still up.  Ok, maybe I'm still up because he's still snoring....I actually was able to record him on my iPod one night and got a good 45 seconds of his sonorous soundings that kept intensifying in decibel level.  I played them in the car last weekend as we were on our way to Vermont, and he was in tears laughing at each increasingly loud snore that rumbled out of the stereo system in our Pilot.  I still think he was in denial that those God-awful noises came from him, even though I had played them once before.
I felt great yesterday!  Most of the week has been pretty good, and kind of felt like this:

"Hello my honey, hello my baby, hello my ragtime gaaaaal...." 

Been trying to avoid pm caffeine, and some days I was able to not drink any.  Yesterday included.  

Yesterday I was the Tasmanian Devil--I cleaned out my bedroom closet and drawers along with the linen closet and part of the huge storage closet.  In between I whipped up a chicken salad, emptied and refilled the dishwasher, folded a  couple of loads of laundry, filled one large garbage bag with clothes for donation and one with stuff to be thrown out.  Also had a two hour phone conversation with R in NH--we tried to figure out how to solve most of the world's problems, but didn't get too far.  I'm still trying to figure out what to do with my wedding dress, but that will have to wait til later.  I sorted towels, sheets, blankets, comforters--all sorts of stuff!  I literally zinged from one part of the house to the other.

What can I organize next??  

It was a good feeling, but I was very aware of the very energized feeling that was pushing me along.  Sis stopped by for some of the chicken salad, and I said that I was worried what tomorrow would bring.  Mr. Wonderful was happy to hear that I had culled the shoe collection (ha ha--that means there is now room in the closet for new shoes!)  and weeded out some of my clothes (has he looked in his closet lately??)

I should have known--me today.  

I went to bed a reasonable time, slept through the night (no snoring) and was even conscious when Mr. W got up for work.  I turned on "Matty in the Morning" and figured I'd get up in another hour or so.  Imagine my surprise when I woke up and the clock read 11:28 am.  WTF.  Then it took me until about 2pm before I felt  together enough to go drop off the bag of clothing gathered the day before.  I've been off-kilter all day.  And I still have some stuff left over to put away that didn't have an obvious home.  However, I managed to clean out the kitchen cabinets (most of them) and reorganize part of the big giant storage closet.  I also did a little shopping for the NH house and of course found a couple of cute tops on sale, so I had to pick them up.  There is a little more space in the closet you know....

I realize that the last few weeks have been a chronicle of my messed-up sleep cycle. I'm hoping that it will change soon.  The lack of school routine is probably not helping, because I swear my natural body clock wants to stay up til 2am and sleep til 10am.  I can deal with that.  It's the bizarre energy level swings that are really getting to me...pues, off to bed soon--I don't hear any snoring, so I'll probably be able to fall asleep.  Buenas noches! 

Which do I need more? Caffeine or sleep?

Yawn.

I did too much over the past two days.  Today, I'm paying for it.  It's after 2pm and I'm still in my pjs.  I figured I'd use this week to rest a little, and I have, but apparently not enough to be a fully functioning human being.

I had a  5 hour dinner with my sister-in-law on Wednesday night--we went to the Beacon Grille, had everything from soup to nuts, chatted and caught up with each other.  Food was fantastic--sea scallops!  We had to keep telling the waitress to come back because we kept chatting and kept forgetting to sort out the menu.  However, we just had to get a dessert to split, a scrumptious multi-layer chocolate cake with raspberry sauce.  Wow.  Stupid me also had a cup of coffee, but failed to check the time. I was up til 3am, completely wired.   I have to find a way to balance out the need for both caffeine and sleep.

But I'll be completely useless without something to jump start me on the days that I see the afternoon wall looming in the distance.  I'm not sure which would be worse--over-caffeination or too much TSH giving me heart palpitations.  I hate the heart palpitation thing--feels like the damn thing is going to jump clear out of your chest.

Oops.  My train went off the tracks again.  Where was I?  Oh yeah--the other day's activities that have left me feeling like oatmeal.

 Yesterday involved some physical activity...anyone have any advice on how to convince your body that it really needs to get off the couch and get moving??  I went to visit The Matchmaker for a swim in her pond and dinner later with her husband and Mr. Wonderful.  (She's the reason I married Mr. Wonderful).  Now, The Matchmaker has been linked to my family for years, having been friends with my mom and aunt.  She's 71, and whipped my ass in a leisurely two hour swim around the pond near her house.  I could have fallen face first into my burger later on that night, and my neck and shoulder muscles started yelping in pain before we had even left the house.  The swim was delicious--warm water fed by cold springs, birds chirping and not a soul around.  The water felt great, and I have to get back in the lake soon.  I did the coffee thing again, but I think it was half regular and half decaf.  I got to bed by 2am.

Needless to say, I'm moving in slow motion today.  I did manage to empty and refill the dishwasher, and read the paper....what an accomplishment, no?  On a happier note, the muscles have quieted down to a low whimper compared to last night.  Maybe that's a good sign?

I suppose I should go shower and get moving a little more.  Thank God I'm not having to deal with teenagers and work this summer.

Undetectable!!

I had bloodwork done on July 6th and got my results back yesterday:

TSH = 0.04
Tg = negative, or undetectable

No change in meds for now and I'll check levels again in 5 weeks.  Apparently Dr. N said the way I'm feeling is normal for everything that's gone on.  If it gets worse or too difficult to live with, I should call them back and she'll consider an increase.  I think I'm pretty close to suppression (0.01 or 0.02) that maybe I'll reach that by the next check, so no need to tweak the levoxyl?   That's my take on it.

As long as I have access to coffee in the afternoons, I should be ok.  That and to not try to do too much in one 24 hour period (like stack cordwood, weed a garden, mulch the same garden, paint a bathroom, make decisions....)....

Relax...(cue in Frankie Loves Hollywood horrible song here)

I'm trying to relax...I headed north to the summer house my parents bought in the 70s to spend some time with Sis.

There is another blog I love written by a school psychologist, and she wrote a great entry about how hard it is to unwind after 10 straight months of being "on" every day--she described it as going 110 mph every day, and then suddenly hitting a brick wall when the school year ends.  It takes some time to recover from the impact of hitting the wall!  Only after that will you be able to really relax.  While I had the "luxury" (if you want to call it that) of missing the month of May, I think the end of June made up for it.  I had to move my classroom in the midst of all of the usual end of the year chaos, so it was insane.  The trip to Nova Scotia helped, but  I firmly believe that Mr. Wonderful  has ADHD,  and we were on the go every day.  One of these days I'm going to kidnap him and drag him to a Caribbean island and plunk his ass on a beach and force him to sit for a few minutes....who am I kidding?  I spent enough time with hyper kids to know that that might never happen!

My biggest brick wall is slowly crumbling...it's 1pm, I haven't showered and I have no idea what I want to do with my day.  I'm not complaining......

Back to the summer house--it's in a community with a common beach on a lake, and I've been coming here every summer since I was three.  There are sooooo many family memories here--it's hard sometimes to be here without my parents.  They should be here.  We should be doing all the things my sister and I envisioned as we were growing up--family weekends, time at the beach, hanging out together.  That will never happen with all of us, and some days the pain is so raw.  Other days, it's just how life has turned out.  Sis has redone the house and yard (amazing!), so it isn't exactly the same as it was two summers ago when Mom was up here for the last time. It was really hard for me to come here last year, but this year seems a little easier.  I guess it's just a matter of adjusting to a new normal.  I have to be honest--it sucks.

The Beach. 

But, Sis and I can figure it out and make the best of what we have.  We are so lucky our parents made the decision to buy the house when they did since we could never do the same now.  I should go down to the beach, but I really don't want to put on a bathing suit.  It's hot and sunny, but despite what I put in an earlier post about accepting how I'm looking these days, I still feel like the StayPuft marshmallow man.

And if I go back to the previous paragraph about my parents not being here, it can be difficult some days to watch all the extended families--grandparents and grandchildren are hard to watch.  Not all the time, but every now and then.  Avoidance is a pretty good strategy.  Besides, I'm not supposed to get sun on my scar, and I'd have to have those conversations with people who probably know about the cancer, but won't mention it and will keep dancing around it until I bring it up in a fairly blunt way that makes me seem like a bitch.  There is a large purple elephant here--his name is Thyroidless Theodore, or TT for short . Let me introduce you.  He's become my best buddy, so he'll be friendly to you too.  Once you've met him, it's not so bad.  He loves when people talk about him and acknowledge his existence.

Thyroidless Theodore

 I'll probably go in town and get a dump sticker for my car.  Woo hoo.

I'm actually tired today, and no word from doctor about Tuesday's bloodwork.  I don't know if I should call and pester her--the TSH comes back a day later, but I think she said the thyroglobulin takes a few days.  Brain fogginess continues, and it's so annoying!  While the end of the school year was hitting a rather large and imposing wall, I keep hitting smaller versions of the wall at least once a day.  It's as if everything shuts down for a couple of hours, and caffeine is the only thing that peels me off the wall again.  I suppose the resulting insomnia later on isn't good either, but right now that's how I'm getting through the days.

Iced coffee is in the fridge and waiting for when this gets in my way around 4pm or so....TT will join me since he also loves iced hazelnut coffee with cream.

So I will start to relax.  I actually like the word better in Spanish--Me voy a relejar.  It sounds better.

Oh Canada!

V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N in the summertime!

Destination:  Nova Scotia!  

Time to go oot and aboot in the Great White North for some explorin', eh?  Or at least in Nova Scotia...

Happy Canada Day!  

Mr. Wonderful and I headed out the day after school got out  for the north....made it to lovely Calais Maine by the first  night and stayed there. Not at the two-star (one?) Calais Motor Inn, but at the one-star International Motel across the street.  Highlight was breakfast at Karen's Main Street diner--I had the McLou Platter (egg and bacon sandwich with homefries instead of the 14 inch pancake).  We got up early so we could make the ferry in St. John's with plenty of time--we had booked the reservation on line and called to double check, and the ferry was due to leave at 11am.  We headed for the border crossing into St. Stephens New Brunswick when Mr. W realized that the time once we crossed the border jumped ahead one hour....panic!!  It was 9:30 by the time we crossed the border, and we still had an hour to drive to St. John's.  Ferry company said we had to be there an hour before....there were some tense moments on the drive due some disagreements about whether or not we'd make it for the sailing or not.  Marital diplomacy was pushed to the limit as we sped down route 1, and Mr. W did actually go over the speed limit!  Not something he does on a regular basis.  Pulling into the ferry lot, I breathed a sigh of relief until the girl in the booth told us the computer was showing our reservation as "cancelled" and said we'd have to run inside to see if we could get on the boat at all.  Serious panic!!  Luckily we were able to get on, but we had to wait until the last minute.

The "Princess of Acadia" from St. John, NB to Digby, NS

Three hours later, we arrived in Digby, Nova Scotia after spending some time chatting with a church group of senior citizens from Florida who were doing a church group trip to Nova Scotia.  The ferry was pretty big, room for 650 passengers.  Lots of spaces to sit and pass the time.  I got some needlework done and some day hope to finish the piece I'm working on...I only seem to do cross stitching when I'm on a plane, train or boat.  Great for sparking conversation with strangers, which is how I got to talking with the church group.  

Originally I thought we'd have time to do the Cabot Trail and see Cape Breton, but due to my extra day of school (grrrrr) we basically lost three days of travel.  Next trip....so we adjusted and covered 1500 miles!  We did a loop from Digby to Halifax along the southern shore up the western shore back to Digby. 

From Digby, we headed along the north shore through beautiful farm country via route 1.  Lots of farms and vineyards and pretty small towns.  It dawned on me that we were headed into Evangeline country!  I still remember the first line of Longfellow's poem, "This is the forest primeval." along with most of the story.  I think I read it in 8th grade?  Of course the signs that said "Evangeline Trail" were a tipoff, but the place Grand Pre is real and actually exists!  Evangeline was fictitious.  It was around 8:30 when we rolled into Grand Pre, and it reminded me of Normandy and the area around Mont Saint Michel.  Very beautiful.  Tons of Acadian flags too.  Mr. W spotted a sign for "Beach Breezes Motel" about 4 miles off the main road, so we headed there.  What  a cute find--if you don't mind rusticness at its best.  However, the setting made up for everything else.  The motel overlooks a bay, and if I had the map I could tell you the name of it--I think Cape Blomidon was in the distance.  Gorgeous, peaceful.  The sunset made up for the rest of the motel and the extremely noisy creaky beds.  Every time Mr. W rolled over, I woke up.  Still, I'd stay there again.  

Sunset over Evangeline Beach

Betcha didn't know that the northern coast is famous for vineyards?  They make wine in Nova Scotia!  

The next day we took off to spend Canada Day in Halifax--time for the Royal Tattoo Parade and Fleet Week to celebrate the 100th birthday of the Canadian Navy.  Halifax was much hillier than I expected! Queen Elizabeth had been there the day before, but we missed her.  It was hot and I managed to get a little sunburned.  We walked around the waterfront, went on a ship, had pitas for lunch, walked around the Citadel and then made our way along the coast to Peggy's Cove.  

Now, most people who have been to Nova Scotia tell you that you have to see Peggy's Cove.  Tiny colorful fishing village with a lighthouse and some great rocky landscapes to explore.  We parked at the visitor's center and started our trek to the lighthouse.  It's only a 5-10 minute walk.  The lighthouse has the obligatory gift shop, so it was packed with busloads of senior travelers with cameras and grandchildren who needed gifts.  Insanity.  Everyone has a camera, and it's hard to go to a place like Peggy's Cove, walk around and avoid getting into people's shots.  However, it really is a beautiful spot, and I did see some picture opportunities.  But my camera wasn't in my pocket....it was in the car.  Thyroidlessness strikes again.  I trekked back to the car (Mr. W offered, but I figured it was my issue and he should explore the rocks) and back to the lighthouse again.  Ugh.  By this point I was pretty tired since it was near the end of the day.  Bonus though--by the time I got back, the buses were leaving!  We had most of the rocks to ourselves.  Click, click, click!  

Next stop was the SwissAir Flight 111 memorial, and then on to Lunenburg for dinner.  Scrumptious fish cakes and salad at the Magnolia Grill (melt in your mouth fresh haddock) and a night in Bridgewater.  Fireworks went off for Canada Day (Happy 143!).  

After that we covered miles and miles and more miles of highway along with some detours along the coast.  What did we see?  Trees, trees, rocks, and some more trees.  Move three miles inland and bam, no more people.  We ended up in Yarmouth for the next night, and it was a little depressing.  The ferries from Maine used to come in to Yarmouth, but the provincial government said they couldn't subsidize the ferries, and they stopped running. Businesses are closed and the place is a ghost town.  I wonder if they'll be able to get them back next year?   

The coast up to Digby from Yarmouth was beautiful again (fewer trees, more people), and we made stops along the way while listening to Acadian music on the radio.  I could make out every 4th or 5th word.   We stayed in Digby, had dinner at the House of Wong and caught the 8am ferry (on time) back to St. Johns. Since Digby is the "scallop capital" of Canada, I had scallops.  Chinese style.  It was actually pretty delicious.  It took us the rest of the day to reach Bucksport, Maine after a stop in Ellsworth at the Big Chicken Barn used books/antiques store, and we spent the night in Bucksport before heading back home.  We got home late last night, and I've been doing laundry all day.  

Top floor of the Great Big Chicken Barn in Ellsworth, Maine

I did do some more family research on Mr. W's family (they were "two-boat Irish"), and it looks like his great great grandmother's sister may have lived in Bucksport at one point with her family and her parents.  I'm still waiting for an email to confirm this, but that would be pretty freaky.  I have some summer work cut out for me!  I really need to get back to searching for my dad's side of the family, but I think they're hiding out on me.  That's another story altogether.....

So, I suppose I should mention my thyroidlessness?  I had bloodwork today for a TSH and cancer marker check, and I know that the meds are too low.  How do I know that?  Don't forget that I left my camera behind at one of Nova Scotia's most photographed spots....I also lost my keys in the car.  I'm having serious brain fog issues--memory lapses, confusion, processing issues....it's not constant, but it happens.  It's soooooo frustrating when it happens, and I found myself reminding Mr. W frequently about my "diminished mental capacity".  Energy levels were mostly ok, but it seems that I crash every couple of days between 3 and 5pm--totally exhausted and basically shut down.  Coffee seems to be the only thing really wakes me up again, but then I'm wired at 1am and can't fall asleep.  Thank God for Tim Horton's, Canada's version of Dunkin' Donuts.  I survived a couple of high activity days (Halifax was brutal) and didn't have to sleep in much.  I figure Dr. N will increase my dose, and I'm hoping that will halt the mental slide.  That really does scare me, because I have always been able to hold vast amounts of useless info in my head, especially at school.  I'm starting to have to write things down, but then I lose the list.  Luckily I have the summer to figure out a new way to cope, because I'm screwed in the fall if this keeps happening!  

On a positive note, my weight has stayed amazingly steady.  I'm going to work on losing some of it this summer, but I haven't ballooned up a ton like I feared.  I'm not happy with the way I am, but it's not as bad as I had anticipated either.  

And, my nose has stopped hurting!  It's not 100%, but getting better.  My taste buds seem pretty good unless I burn them--then my taste is gone again for the day.  No metallic taste.  The seafood was soooooo yummy.  Same for all the various ice cream I sampled!  Nice to be able to enjoy food again.  

All in all, it was a great week.  Great weather, amazing seafood which I indulged in to make up for the month on the LID, great quality time with Mr. Wonderful (except for the ferry incident and aftermath), gorgeous scenery, friendly people and new places to explore....great way to start off the summer after such a lousy 2010...